Cabby

A mother, accompanied by her small daughter, was in New York City. The mother was trying to hail a cab, when her daughter noticed several wildly dressed women who were loitering on a nearby street corner.

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The mother finally hailed her cab and they both climbed in, at which point the young daughter asks her mother, "Mommy, what are all those ladies waiting for by that corner?"

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The mother replies, "Those ladies are waiting for their husbands to come by and pick them up on the way home from work."

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The cabby, upon hearing this exchange, turns to the mother and says, "Ah, C mon lady! Tell your daughter the truth! For crying out loud...They're hookers!"

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A brief period of silence follows, and the daughter then asks, "Mommy, do the hooker ladies have any children?"

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The mother replies, "Of course, Dear. Where do you think cabbies come from?"

Advice

A husband and wife go visit a marriage counselor. First, the wife speaks to the counselor alone.

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The counselor asks, "You say you've been married 20 years, so what seems to be the problem?"

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The wife replies, "It's my husband - he's driving me crazy! I'm going to leave him if he continues!"

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"How does he drive you crazy?"

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"For 20 years," she says, "he's been doing these stupid things. First, whenever we go out, he's always looking at the floor and refuses to go near anyone. It's very embarrassing."

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The marriage counselor is amused, "Anything else?"

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"He keeps picking his nose all the time, even in public!"

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"Hmm, anything else?" probes the counselor further.

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The wife hesitates, "whenever we're making love, he never lets me be on top! Once in a while, I'd like to be in control!"

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"Ah," says the counselor, "I think I'll talk to your husband now."

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So the wife goes out of the room and the husband enters.

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The counselor tells him, "Your wife says that you've been driving her crazy. She might even leave you."

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The husband looks shocked, "What? For 20 years I've been loving and considerate and I've always given her what she wants! What could be the problem?"

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The counselor explains, "She says that you've got these habits that are driving her crazy. First, you're always acting strange in public--looking at the floor and never going near anyone else."

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The husband looks concerned, "Oh, you don't understand! It's one of the few things my father told me to do in his deathbed and I swore I'd obey everything he said."

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"What did he say?"

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"He said that I should never step on anyone's toes!"

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The counselor looks amused, "Actually, that means that you should not do anything that would cause anyone else to get angry."

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The husband looks sheepish, "Oh. Okay."

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The counselor continues, "And you keep picking your nose in public."

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"Well, it’s another thing my father specifically commanded me to do! He told me to always keep my nose clean."

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The counselor looks faint, "That means that you should not indulge in any criminal activity."

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"Oh," says the husband looking very stupid. "

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And finally, she says that you never allow her to be on top during your lovemaking."

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"This," says the husband seriously, "is the last thing my father commanded me to do on his deathbed and it's the most important thing."

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"What did he say?"

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The husband replies, "In his dying breath, he said:

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"Don’t Ever Screw Up."